


Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right

by WitchStuff



Series: Bright Young Things (temporary name) [2]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Coming Out, Drag Show, F/M, Flirting, Gay, Jealousy, M/M, Relationship Stuff, date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 07:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4171818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchStuff/pseuds/WitchStuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drag queens, rock gods, table football, green eyed monsters. Archie is having an experience, Rae and Finn are still working stuff out.</p><p>Set in the weeks following my story "Bright Young Things".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right

**FINN**

Finn fidgets in his seat, his head lowered so as to not make any accidental eye contact with random people milling around campus. He’s finished his sandwich, and he can’t smoke openly at college, so he’s at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. He grabs his bag, thinking he might as well open a textbook, but at the last minute just pulls out a random notebook instead, flips to the last page and starts making a list. It’s a list of songs, whatever comes into his head. It’s not a future mix-tape or anything, there’s no actual theme here, no actual purpose to this exercise, other than disguising what he’s actually doing, which is waiting. Waiting for her. That’s what he does now; he waits for her. A lot.

Not that he minds very much, and if he does, he forgets all about it the moment she appears. Funny how those things work, he thinks, as Rae rushes over and slides real close next to him on the wooden bench.

“Afternoon!” her voice is all breathless, and he gets a kiss on the cheek, which improves his mood no end.

“Hey, you look familiar,” he exclaims. “Have we met before?”

“Funny, Nelson.”

“It’s just that you sorta remind me of this girlfriend I had once…” he lets his voice trail off, a faraway look in his eye.  "Used to come over all the time… give me kisses…"

“She sounds like a pushover. Who doesn’t have exams, and a baby sister and a crazy mother.”

“Yeah. I miss those days.” He smirks. Rae shoves his shoulder with hers.

“Oh, would you stop, you’ve only seen me on Friday.” she laughs, then adds in a whisper, “We’ve spent the entire night together - ”

“Yeah, Rae, on Friday. It’s now Tuesday. D'you know what’s happened since Friday?”

“What?” She immediately seems alarmed, turning in her seat towards him.

“Saturday, Sunday -” he counts on his fingers emphatically.

“All right, I get it.” Rae laughs and turns away from him, opening her bag and pulling out the smallest sandwich he’s ever seen. “You miss me.”

“Naah.”

“So much.”

“Don’t know where you got that idea.” he says and immediately continues, “the whole of Monday - ”

“We had lunch together Monday!”

“No, we didn’t, you breezing in for two minutes to steal chips from my plate and then running back to the library doesn’t count.”

Rae puts her tiny sandwich down (untouched, he notices), and turns to snuggle against his side. “Sorry…,” She lifts her eyes to him from her position on his shoulder and unintentionally disturbs his natural breathing pattern. Don’t kiss her in the yard, he reminds himself. No PDA in front of the student body. She doesn’t like that. It’s not easy to drag his mind back to the conversation, but he manages to catch the end of her apologetic explanation. “- had to finish this paper due tomorrow, ‘cause tonight me and Arch are going to London.”

“What, again?”

“Yeah. I told you about this. Remember, I told you we went to this drag show and it were so funny we had to see it again?”

“Yeah, that was last Tuesday. You gonna go to bleedin’ London with Archie every bleedin’ Tuesday now?” That came out harsher than he’d meant it to, not to mention the fact that even to himself he’s starting to sound like a human calendar. He can tell she’s a bit taken a back as well.

“No. Just… this one. Maybe the next one as well.”

He takes a deep breath, 'cause really it’s no big deal that Archie gets to take Finn’s girlfriend out more times than Finn does. He smiles at her and motions to her forgotten lunch. “Finish your sandwich before we’re out of time.” He says ‘finish’ to suggest that she’s mid-sandwich, that he’s not notice anything out of the ordinary about her lunch choices.

She smiles back and does pick up the rye bread, fixing the wrapping paper around it. But instead of taking a bite, she tells him excitedly, “Finn, you’ve got to see this show. It’s all drag, and they’re dressed like proper ladies, with lace and parasols and stuff, but still with mustaches, and they take the piss out of each other… I about peed myself it were so funny.” She shakes her head. “Most creative insults I have ever heard in me life.”

“Oh, so it’s an educational experience for ya, then?” he jokes and Rae laughs and it’s the best feeling.

“I swear, it feels like home.” she giggles, and finally takes a few bites, while Finn thinks, not for the first time, how he wishes he was funnier. Not as funny as her, that’d be tough, but at least as funny as a bunch of men dressed like women.

He’s suddenly aware of her looking sideways at him while she chews carefully (Rae takes the smallest and most calculated bites he’s ever seen a person eats). He thinks maybe he seems remote or upset, and sends her another smile. Then he immediately takes back the wish he’s just made; he’ll pass up being funnier gladly, for the power to know what made her blush slightly at that smile. Bloody hell, he’d give a lot to be able to figure out what makes Rae react to the most insignificant things he does in some very significant, at least in his eyes, ways.

“Hey,” she says suddenly. “Why don’t you come with? Guaranteed shenanigans!”

He can’t hide his surprise. “You want me to go?”

“I’m inviting you aren’t I?” she huffs good naturedly. “Silly.”

“You sure you don’t need to clear it with your boyfriend Archie first?”

“Naah, we’ve got an open relationship.” she shoots back, as she wipes her fingers on a napkin, apparently all done with lunch for today. He pushes his soda can towards her and watches her lips wrap around the top for a lukewarm gulp. Fuck it. He needs more contact. He wraps his arm around her shoulder. It’s either this or grab her and snog the stuffing out of her. When she doesn’t protest he leans back a bit.

“So what do you think?” she asks after a few seconds of just sitting there together. They’re in the middle of the yard, everything and everyone buzzing around them, but sitting with her like this feels very intimate. Their voices are low in the din of shouts across the yard, and his fingers wrap themselves in the edges of her hair, twisting it around and around. Rae’s finger reaches for his thigh, drawing a large question mark.

He sighs. “I can’t tomorrow night, got that early match Friday morning.”

“Oh, right. Shit. I’ll probably be hung over as fuck. Would you hate me if I missed it?” she looks up at him with a cheeky apologetic smile, one eye squinting.

He gives her hair another slow twist, the threads fall between his fingers like fine sand. She washed it this morning, he can tell. He’ll have the scent of her shampoo on his fingers for half a day now. “I couldn’t hate you if they paid me.” he murmurs. So whipped, Nelson. So whipped.

Rae half frowns, but continues in that same low, intimate voice. “Who’re these wankers trying to pay you to hate me? I’ll smash their teeth in.” and god help him, she nuzzles his neck. He doesn’t know what brought on this mood but he’s not complaining. Or moving. Or breathing.

The bell rings. Time’s up. Finn hates college all over again.

“Mmmm” Rae makes an annoyed sound. “Not fucking fair. We really do get no time together.”

He looks at her as they get up and grab their things. “What? You miss me?”

“Pfffft.”

“Oh, you do.”

“No.”

“Lots.”

“But I got Archie,” she teases and then runs away laughing when he pretends to come after her. She only runs a few steps, though, then waits for him to join her and lets him put his arm around her again. He can hardly believe it. They are walking together in a stream of students headed for the main building, his arm around her displaying for all to see that this is his girl. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is a day to mark on the calendar.

“Since I’m such a shit girlfriend who doesn’t even bother to show up for her boyfriend’s match,” she tells him by her classroom door (which is a No Touching Zone, so no more flaunting their intimacy in front of various passers-by), “how about a proper date on Friday?”

His breath catches. “Thought we were baby-sitting.”

She shrugs. “I’ll take care of it. What? Why are you getting all…” she waves suspiciously in front of his face, probably red now.

“Nothin’. Just that my dad’s out Friday night. Long drive. Won’t make it back until early morning.”

“Reeeaaalllyyyy…”

“Maybe not even then.”

“That is very interesting information, Finnley.” She smiles in that way that makes everything inside him turn to mush. “Take me on a proper date and we’ll see where it goes.”

Holy hell. He smiles like a loon all the way to class. So fucking whipped.

**+++**

**  
RAE**

There’s not much to do in the way of “a proper date” in Stamford. They walk along High Street, avoiding Tower Records and WH Smith, any shop that they would usually go into and lose hours of the day. Neither of them admits this, but tonight they are both on a mission to get the “date” part over with as fast as possible, so they could get to the “alone at the house” part faster.

Not that Rae would admit this to him, no way. She was the one who insisted on a date-date, wasn’t she? So she can’t just say 'fuck it, Finn, let’s go to yours and I’ll let you put your tongue wherever you like’. Even though that’s exactly what she’s thinking.

Not her fault he’s so delicious-looking all the time. When they walk around together like this, he still feels like a forbidden land sometimes. She constantly has to stop herself from reaching over and touching stuff, licking stuff, sniffing stuff… it’s even worse now that they've… been together. Because now she knows the things he can make her feel with those hands and that mouth, whereas before it was all theoretical. But now every little touch feels much more… more. Sometimes all he has to do is smile at her and she feels it all over, even if he doesn’t mean it like that. It’s embarrassing how much she’s secretly perving on her own boyfriend.

They’re walking together, and she turns the conversation back to London again. She really wants him to come, to be on board with her and Archie’s new thing.

“So I forfeit one more Thursday night to the other man in your life?”

“Oh, no, Damon  Albarn almost never shows up”.

Finn laughs. “So much competition!”

She press against him slightly, to get his attention. “But, Finn, it’s Battle of the Disco Divas this week. We have to see that!”

“What will that be like?”

“No idea. But these ladies, they’re always larger than life, right? And they take the piss out of each other and the audience, and they never let anyone give them any shit.” She stares intently at her shoes. “I kinda feel… inspired by them. Like maybe I shouldn’t give a shit as well.”

When she looks up at him he has a curious expression, as if he figured out some big mystery. He smiles and changes the subject. “Do you really think I’d get that scene?”

Rae waves her hand. “There’s nothing to get. It’s like going to the pub, basically. Only everyone’s gay and we’ll spend the night ignoring this guy Archie fancies.”

“What, there’s a guy?”

“Oh, there’s a guy.” She laughs. “Though Archie won’t admit it.”

“Let’s hear about it.”

Rae gets so excited about this topic, she doesn’t even notice when he entwines their arms and that she is leaning against him now. “Okay, so, it’s this bloke we see about from time to time, and I’m gonna get Archie with this guy if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Why that guy?”

She shrugs. “They’re obviously into each other. Plus I figured at this point Arch just needs to do something with someone, you know? Doesn’t have to be the love of his life, just a door to go through.”

“So bossy, Rachel.”

“Or, the bestest mate a guy could ever have.” she corrects.

He smiles, “Can’t argue with that.”

Rae can feel herself blushing and she looks away, pretends to check out the window display at some shop, but it only shows her his trim body hiding behind her massive one. She shakes her head, wanting none of these kind of thoughts tonight. She has a plan to seduce the hell out of him later on, and she’ll need all her confidence to do that.

Finn pulls at her sleeve. “So what’s the story? What’s his name?”

Rae brings her mind back to the story. “We don’t actually know him, barely spoke to him, just seen him around. We call him Rock God.”

Finn looks at her. “The fuck?”

“Well he looks like a rock star! He’s so freaking’ tall, and he’s got these long legs and long, like, arms and torso…” she gets a little flustered. Man, that guy is hot. “His hair is always all -” she gestures with her hands something that’s meant to explain the precise dishevelment of RG’s hair, but then gives up. “He’s just tall and lean and always wears black, oh, he got these hard nailed boots, and he just looks HARD - what?”

She’s just noticed her lovely boyfriend looking at her with his lovely eyebrows raised. “I don’t know, do you need a minute?”

“I’m just describing the guy, geez.”

“Describe less, yeah?”

She smiles. “I’m saying some people might find him good looking, but not me, because I don’t even notice boys anymore, not since I got myself a man who’s just perfect and gorgeous -”

“Yeah, yeah. So, you were saying he’s tall?”

Rae rolls her eyes. “So anyway, every time we saw him, Archie got all swoony and blotchy. And the other night, we’re standing there, right, trying to decide where to go next, and RG walks up to us. Completely ignoring me by the way, walks right up to Archie and asks if he’s got a light. So our boy Archer gets all flustered and red, you know how he gets - ”

Finn nods.

“ - and tells him, no, because we don’t smoke, because it’s a filthy habit.”

“No.”

“And also it’s bad for ya.”

“Tell me he didn’t say that.” They stop in the middle of the street to be properly shocked at this.

“Swear to god. I wanted to die.”

Finn cracks up. “What a knob!”

“He’s worse at talking to boys than I am, I swear.”

“Am?”

“Was.”

“So what happened?” he keeps walking and pulls her to his side.

“What d’you think? The guy walked away, opportunity lost. But I took notice of the bar he entered and I made sure we went straight over the next time, so now we see him everywhere, and Archie is pretending he doesn’t notice.”

“You two are stalking a random stranger?”

She frowns at him “No, I’m stalking. For Archie. Doesn’t it sound fun?” Now she pulls at his sleeve. “Come with us!”

“Might do.”

“Really? Oh, yes!” she rubs her palms together. “I’m going to show you off and make all the gay boys jealous! You don’t mind being taken advantage of, right?”

Finn turns to her, wrapping his arms around her. “You know I’m just waiting for you to take advantage of me, girl.” and then he does that thing, that smiley thing with the lower lip and the biting, oh Christ. Those poor gay boys.

Suddenly she can’t stand the aimless walking around the main street, no matter how pretty it looks, all ancient buildings and fairy lights for the tourists. She must hurry this date-date along. So she grabs Finn’s hand and pulls him into a side street, and into the Victory Arcade. Fuck dinner, she decides, they can eat a disgusting hotdog at the disgusting canteen.

It’s all fun and games and a flirting marathon, until they start playing Table Football. Rae knows that she’s amazing at this, or, she had been when she was a little girl, playing with her mum and occasionally her uncle Mark.

“They were just letting you win,” Finn laughs as he moves the tiny ball between his red players.

“Shut up, no they weren’t! I was good!” she huffs.

“Rae, you probably couldn’t even reach the paddles properly -” he does a complicated series of twists, and the ball shoots between the blue players into the hole.

“Fucking useless blue twats!” she yells, drawing blank looks from kids around them. This is humiliating. She got one goal on their second match, and did a whole victory dance, taunting him, but he’s won every match since, and all her eyebrow-scrunching and lip-pursing, her best Rae’s-Not-Happy face, doesn’t impress him. He seems to enjoy both situations equally, and infuriatingly, it doesn’t even cross his mind to let her win.

They start another game, Lord knows why, and Rae hopes a conversation might help distract him. “So we’re going again next Tuesday. Have you decided if you’re coming with?”

Finn’s in a playful mood, or maybe he isn’t bothered so much anymore. She’s starting to suspect that he’d only wanted the invite. “Dunno.“ he says with a smile, not taking his eyes off the plastic players. "Was thinking maybe I’ll ring up one of my exes instead? Have a night out, just hanging,” his eyes flash to hers for a split second before he returns to the game, “with me ex…”

If he thought this would get to her, he’s in for a disappointment. Rae only snorts. “Oh, please. Who are you gonna invite, then? Stacey or Lora or whatsherface from the Gap?” her players actually touch the ball this time, now that Finn is getting distracted. “You’ll have a swell time, just having a few pints… then they could paint your toenails pink and update you on all the latest boy-band gossip.”

She hears him laugh, but doesn’t let herself look up from the game, now that something is finally going her way. Still, there’s no denying that his laugh does stuff to her insides. She loves when some off-hand comment of hers makes him laugh like that. Feels like she’s winning at life. So she continues with a shrug. "Hey, not my fault that you’ve dated shit people before you met me”. She can’t help looking up with a huge toothy smile.

They play in silence for a minute, in which she quickly loses her advantage. Oh, no, she’s not having that! She’s got lots more verbal ammunition in her arsenal.

“By the way, you can hardly call Archie my ex. We’ve had one date, one snog and a bit of a boob-grab. That’s barely anything at all.”

Hurray! Finn’s men slip and the ball goes flying. Own Goal! Rae plays it cool, she only does the victory dance on the inside now.

“He got more than a snog and a grab, though, didn’t he?” Finn huffs, a bit breathless.

She lifts her eyes to him, surprised. “Ahh… no. What’re you on about?”

He fishes the ball out of the pocket, colour rising in his cheeks. “Way I heard it, he fingered ya eight times. So…”

“What? Who the hell told you that?”

“Chop.”

She throws her hand to the sides, then rests them on her waist. “Oh, well!”

“Who heard it from Izzy who heard it from you!” Finn finally looks up at her.

“Me? I would never have said that - oh, right, I did say that actually.” Oh god, where to bury herself. Stupid childish lies from a billion years ago are coming back now to bite her in the arse. And Finn had believed this bullshit all along! He looks so serious but she’s really trying not to openly laugh at her own stupidity.

"So it isn’t true then?”

“’Course not! This is Archie. He wasn’t gonna go anywhere near that region. It’s shocking that he felt me up at all.” she walks dramatically to his side of the table. “But I suppose even The Gays cannot withstand, the power, of THE BOOB!”

He smirks at this and she’s so fucking relieved. Then he asks, “but why did you tell them that if it weren’t true?”

“Because people kept saying there’s no way anything was ever going to happen between us”. She gives him a meaningful look and his eyes go wide, plying for innocence.

“What, me?”

“Ah, yeah, Mr. Broody Fringe. _I’m telling ya there’s no way in hell anything would ever ever ever happen._ ” she mocks, affecting a moody, bored, low voice. She’s quite happy with the impression of him from when they’d first met.

“Well I were right weren’t I?” Finn’s smug smile can light up Lincolnshire. “He never touched ya… like that?”

"Nope. Your fingers were the first to explore this virgin land.” Other than my own, she thinks, but she’s not going to say that because this conversation is already making her insides heat up inappropriately. She’s not sure what she’s doing. Seducing him, maybe? Man, if they were still playing she could have owned his arse, but as they’re not, seems she’s only getting herself all flustered.

And missing something important.

“At least I was first at something,” Finn mumbles, barely coherent. But she caught it and she doesn’t know what to say. _Oh, fuck_ doesn’t seem appropriate.

She’s a bit shocked, because she thought they had an unspoken rule that the matter of her losing her virginity to Not Him is not to be mentioned. Ever. What could she possibly say to that, anyway? I’m sorry I let someone else who isn’t you fuck me? I’m sorry I can’t explain to you why him and not you? It was a huge mistake that I regret deeply?

“Finn…” she starts, hoping the rest would just come to her. He doesn’t look up, just stands there and turns his little red team round and round. Rae takes a step closer to quietly say, “God, you… you are the first person I’ve ever loved. First person I’ve ever trusted, ever been intimate with. You’re my first in everything that really counts, okay?” her fingers caress his hand, stilling the twisting motion. “Please, don’t even give it a thought.”

He looks up at her then, and she can see by the colour in his cheeks that there’s some kind of inner struggle there. She worries, because he needs answers, but this isn’t the time or place to open up the can of worms with LIAM written on it next to a warning label – TOXIC, DO NOT TOUCH.

Maybe Finn knows this too, because he just looks at her with those eyes that render her knickers useless every time. “Give us a kiss, then.” he grumbles, practically to the game table. She can’t deny a plea like that. She’s only a woman, after all.

She casts a quick look around, noting the people in the room and how interested they are in the fat girl with her fit boyfriend, and decides that this is one of those times that she has to get over herself, or she’ll end up losing something of Finn’s. She leans into him and gives him the sweetest, most loving kiss she can manage under these public circumstances; slow and seductive, with her fingers grazing the pulse point on his wrist. Finn leans into it, though, his mouth covers hers and she is taken by surprise by the need in his kiss. She forgets that there are people, that there is judgment, that they shouldn’t be doing this. He brings her body closer, so that she’s flush against him. Everything inside her starts to pulse and ache. When they pull back for big gulps of air, it all comes rushing back; they broke all her PDA rules. But surprisingly, she doesn’t really give a shit, because her body is buzzing and her mind is foggy and this is her boyfriend, _this is her boyfriend_ , and all those fucking people standing there judging - if that’s even what they’re doing, she can’t take her eyes off Finn to check – they don’t have a boyfriend like this, do they?

“We better go, Mr. Nelson,” she whispers in his ear, “Or I will need brand new knickers.”

He looks at her and swallows, eyebrows raising in alarm. “Jesus, Rae, you can’t say things like that to me.” he whispers back, and starts rushing them both to the exit.

“Or what, I’ll make you crash?” she smirks. “You’re not even driving. Well… driving me insane with desire, maybe.”

“Jesus, Rae…” He shakes his head. She laughs. Poor boy. So easily distracted.

**+++**

**  
FINN**

She said don’t give it another thought, don’t think about it. But he thinks about it more than ever, he thinks about it all the time. It’s in the back of his mind all through that evening, even through the haze of lust they’re both in the entire night. It comes back when he least expects or wants it, that night on his bed with Rae breathing heavily under him, making sounds and telling him things in half-moans, half-sobs, sometimes through laughter. He doesn’t want to think about it then, not when he’s finally touching her, but he does.

Why couldn’t she let him be the first? He was right there. He was going to give her everything. Make sure it’s the most pleasure, the least pain, for her. He gave a lot of thought at the time to the ways in which he could make Rae’s first time the best, most glorious, most mind-blowing experience. He’d got himself all worked up thinking about it, as well.

But in the end, she just gave it away to some bloke who showed up and made her feel that he understood her in a way that Finn never could. She told him it were a mistake, and he could tell it was a bad experience for her, and his gut twists to think that that was her first time. And he still doesn’t know why. Why was he not the one she chose? Why, if she loves him like she says, if he was her first in all the other important things, could she not give him this one, the one that is pretty fucking important.

They go to London with all the gang, and it’s just as Rae had described it; the drag show is crude and sleazy and hilarious. Archie spends the entire evening not looking at the tall guy wearing all black. But then he comes back from the toilet all flustered and when a minute later, said tall fellow steps out of the corridor as well, Archie is not looking at him even more aggressively.

It’s a great night, and Finn has forgotten all about the thoughts that have plagued him.

But then, as they leave the club and walk down the street towards the station, all loud and stumbling drunk, Rae comes face to face with a couple of men coming from the other direction, all huddled into each other. She freezes, the men freeze, Finn looks from the look of horror on Rae’s face to the look of horror on one of the men, a good looking bearded man, and where does Rae know good looking bearded men from anyway?

“Hello, Rae.” He says, his voice very proper and a bit too official, considering he’s wearing leather trousers and has his hand in the back pocket of his boyfriend’s.

“D- Dr. Kassar! You – hi, hello.”

“Having a nice night?”

“Wh…. yeah. Sure am!” Rae is over compensating by being way too cheerful.

“Not drinking, I hope?” He asks. Seriously, who is this guy?

“Me? Noooooo. No. No, I don’t drink anymore, you know that. Strictly sparkly water for me. Sparkly water all the way.”

“Well, good. I’ll see you around, then.”

“Not if I see you first! Okay, bye Dr. Kassar!”

The man gives her another patronizing smile that does not belong on a street like this, between the neon signs and the faint smell of piss coming from the alley.

“Oh. My. God.” Rae grabs her hair when the men are out of earshot.

“Who was that, Rae?” Chloe demands. “He was well hot!”

“Yeah, how do you know this well hot man?” Archie adds.

“That. Was. My. Effing. Doctor. My doctor is gay. My beautiful beautiful doctor is totally totally gay!”

“Can we do this while we’re walking, though? We’re gonna miss the train.” Finn doesn’t like this at all. The group starts moving again, but unfortunately, he seems to be the only one willing to let this go.

”That was your doctor? He examined you and stuff?” Izzy asks, wide eyed.

”Hell, yeah.”

”Lucky cow.” Chloe takes Rae’s arm in hers. “How do I make an appointment?” the girls giggle. It’s disgusting.

”Well, you’ll have to get admitted to the mental hospital first, do you think you could swing that?”

“Have you met me?” Chloe laughs. “I’ve got tons of problems!”

“Still, I don’t recommend it, babes.”

”But just to clarify; this gorgeous specimen of manhood touched you all over?”

”Pretty much.”

“How did you manage not to drool all over him?”

“It was a struggle, I won’t lie.”

“So, when you say he touched ya all over, yeah?” Chop pipes in. “Do you mean, like, even your naughty bits?” he wiggles his eyebrows and Izzy smacks him arm.

”He’s not a gynecologist, Chop.” Everyone laugh at this hilarious joke.

“Get a move on!” Finn says.

By the time they all climb into the train carriage, drunk and tired and high on adrenaline, they’re so loud that if there were other people in the carriage they probably would be thinking they’re a bunch of pain-in-the-arse teenagers, mucking about and being loud and rude.

Finn finds a double seat a bit apart and facing away from the others, and he leads her there. She puts her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, and he almost feels sorry that he’s about to kill the mood.

“So,” he grumbles. “Was that one of the doctors you used to… you know?”

Rae yawns. “What?”

“You know. Think about?”

Rae lifts her head and looks at him in shock. “Boy, you remember everything, don’t you?”

“Kinda hard to forget this sort of thing.”

The look in her eyes changes. Yep, he’s killed the mood.

  
**+++**

**  
ARCHIE**

He needs to talk to Rae, he need to talk to her right the fuck now. Yet one look at the happy couple and it’s obvious no one gets to interrupt them now.

For fuck’s sake. His first proper, actual, none-imaginary sexual experience, and she’s not available to talk about it. After practically shoving him into the arms of a total stranger, she’s not even interested in the play-by-play?

He feels sweaty and kinda dirty, but in a good way maybe, and excited and turned on and a little like he is about to climb out of his own skin.

His mind flashes to the dark hallway leading to the bathrooms. He was stepping out, hands still wet because there was nothing to dry them with inside, and there he was all of a sudden. Rock God. Just standing there, leaning against the black painted wall. Waiting. For Archie? Or just for any random guy who happened along? Archie barely had time to think about that. He remembers trying to say something, probably babbling in a stupid way, under the power of the man’s stare. Next thing he knows, he’s pushed into the nearest stall and - Oh God.

It was… amazing? Mind blowing? Awkward and embarrassing and a bit uncomfortable and maybe a tiny tiny bit humiliating? Yes. All of the above.

Being pulled into a smelly toilet cubicle and having your private parts pulled out of your jeans before you can even process what is happening, is not all it’s cracked up to be, not even by a gorgeous rock god. That you’ve been stalking for weeks.

Not that he was against getting his first hand job by one of the prettiest men he’s ever seen. No, no. Not at all. If fact, he’d entertained some very dirty fantasies about this stranger doing dirty things to his bits in the dark. And not that it wasn't… Jesus fuck… but it was just so…

Fast. It was all a blur. He wants to relive it in his head but he can barely remember anything beyond intense pleasure followed by more intense pleasure, somewhat marred by the unfortunate smell of the stall. And under that, a constant feeling that this is not what he aimed for, that it wasn’t aimed for him, that it’s a mistake.

Archie looks out the window at the elaborate graffiti passing by. So this is what it’s like to be gay. It makes him kinda sad. Couldn’t Rock God buy him a drink? Ask him out on a date or something? Talk to him, explain things, teach him the Ways of the Homosexual?

He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. Can’t believe he is complaining about this. He should go down on his knees and give thanks to the God of Hand Jobs in Public Bathrooms that he has been selected to participate in this most secret gay ritual.

But god help him, he wasn’t grateful at all.

He looks at the back of Finn and Rae’s heads, talking passionately with each other on the other side of the car. He glances at Chop and Izzy, who are kissing and laughing into each other mouths.

He wants what they have. Why can’t he have what they have?

Chloe comes over to sit next to him. “So, Archie… how was your night?” by her smile he know that she knows that something did indeed happen. She’s not Rae, but is he desperate enough to just confide in every person who walks by?

“Chloe, my dear, you’re in luck tonight. It just so happens that I’m in the market for a new bestie. How about it?”

"Hey, hey!” Rae’s head turns so fast at this. “What’s this, now?”

Chloe swings her legs up in her purple platform shoes on Archie’s knees. “Sorry, babes, you snooze - you lose!”

“I’m not okay with this!” Rae starts, but Finn mumbles something and she stops, hilarity disappearing from her face. “I’m not done with the two of ya!” she points a finger at them, and then turns back around, to what is obviously a much more important conversation with her boyfriend.

Archie sighs in disappointment, but he can’t really blame her. Maybe that’s how it is when you have a boyfriend. Looks like he’ll never know.

**+++**

**  
FINN**

She turns back, and he can tell she’s angry at him. “What’s your problem, Finn?”

“We were in the middle of something important, Rae.”

“No we weren’t. You were being dumb and I was telling you you’re dumb. I can do that whenever.”

Finn is silent. His guts churn with the unfairness of it all. She decides everything between them. Everything. She says when he gets to touch her and in front of who; she says when it’s date night and when she can’t possible spare him the time; and she decides who is being dumb and jealous for no reason. He’s the one who follows orders. He’s the one who waits for her.

There’s enough beer in him tonight to want to yell all this at her, but he doesn’t because (a) they are in public, (b) he knows he’ll never find the words and it will all come out a mess and he’ll probably find a way to insult her and she’ll give him the silent treatment, and © he seriously does not want to fight with her. Because he knows what it feels like to be broken up with her and he never, never, never wants to feel like that again.

The silence between them feels sticky and slimy, but lucky for him, Rae can never be quiet for long. “This is a new side of you I’m not sure I like. ” she says.

Yeah, no kidding. Not like he enjoys feeling like this. He was never a jealous guy until he’d met Rae. Granted, he’s young, not exactly had too much experience with long-term relationships. This is his first one, in fact, and he’s learning disturbing things about himself. He never felt this possessive unrest about a girl he’s dated. Hell, Stacy went straight from him to Jonas McKenzie, barely stopping to take a breath, and he and Jonas were mates and got on on the football field with zero tension.

But with Rae it was like this from the start. First he was jealous of people who got her attention and got on with her, when she seemed to barely stand him. Then he was jealous when it seems like she was on her way to bringing Archie back to Girlsville. Then there was that fucker Liam, whose very name was a burn in Finn’s stomach for weeks when he and Rae were apart (and, well, still).

It’s not like he’s an ugly jealous. He doesn’t usually make a scene like this or ever bring these thoughts up at all. He usually pushes it all down, but it’s there. And it’s not that he thinks she’ll do anything, of course, he trusts her completely. But she doesn’t know yet what he knows about her - that she’s a coveted item, a jewel in a mountain of coal. One day the world will discover her. Rae won’t cheat, but maybe she’ll just… move on.

He bites his lip so he doesn’t say all those things to her. Instead he latches on a different route. “I’ve seen the books you have by your bed, Rae. All those smutty novels. Life isn’t like those fantasies, you know.”

Her eyes are big. Huge. “If you’re worried about measuring up, don’t be. Seriously.”

He holds himself together. This is not the right time to talk about any of this. Not the right place, for fuck’s sake. Suddenly, there’s warmth on his arm.

“Finn. Please. Tell me what. I… I can’t make it better if you don’t tell me.”

He breaths deeply. “I remember… all the things you said… at your mom’s wedding.”

“And?”

“I mean about… about your teachers, doctors - ” he looks at her for a second. “Guys you’ve had… thoughts about.” he looks at his lap. “I don’t like it.”

“For fuck’s sake, babe…” she says and leans her chin on his shoulder. “Those are just stupid fantasies. Of a silly girl. Who didn’t even know anything other than what’s in bloody 50p paperbacks. Who had no idea what love really is -”

“And one of those stupid fantasies was me. So what’s to stop you from starting a whole new fantasy about - whoever -”

She sits up. “Okay, stop. You’re seriously talking absolute rubbish now.”

He shakes his head. There she goes again. And yet, there’s something in her emphatic words, the note of humour and irritation in equal measures.

“Okay, look.” Rae says, and turns her body towards him, her leg folded against him on the seat. “You know how you read a book, and you get so invested in the characters and you love them and their relationship so much, like, you’re right there for their struggles and their triumphs, and you feel like you’re part of the book, like their love is your love, so when it ends it breaks your heart, and you’re like - wait, I wasn’t done with this relationship?”

He looks at her. “No.”

They stare at each other another moment, then Rae sits even straighter. “Okay, well, it’s a thing. Trust me. So what I’m saying is - I’m still reading this book. Our book. And I’m totally in it, I turn every page with maximum excitement and pleasure, dying to know what’s next because it’s all been so fucking good so far. I’m not interested in stopping now to read another book, and frankly I can’t imagine ever moving on from this… book.”

Finn gulps. He wants to crash her lips with his, to wrap himself around her like a sweater. He wants to get them home already, get her behind closed doors. He clears his throat. “Well, good.” he croaks. “'Cause I'm… I’m reading this book too, and I'm… you know, I haven’t even looked at another book since I’ve met… this one, and in fact I tore out my library card… Fuck, this is rubbish, I’m no good at this.”

She puts her arms around him and kisses him hard, just like he’s been imagining doing a second ago. “Finn, Finn, Finn…” she mumbles into his mouth. “You are very very good at this.”

They kiss some more, light and playful. He can’t hear what Archie’s grumbling or what Izzy and Chop are calling out to them. It’s just him and her on the slowest train in the United Kingdom. She puts her head on his shoulder and they sit like that for a while.

“So…” he says eventually. ”It’s pretty good, our book, isn’t it.“

"Our book is the Pride & Prejudice of books”.

He’s not sure what that means, but it seems to be a good thing. Rae folds her arm with around his and closes her eyes. They ride on. Finn looks at the nothing outside, thinking she fell asleep, when she suddenly mumbles. “God, I wish Tix were alive.“

He looks down at her. "What?”

Rae yawns. “I really wanna tell her about Dr. Nick.”

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> All my love and gratitude to my partners in crime, my beta Lil (@madfatty) and my presonal cheerleader Erin (@how-ardently). They couldn’t decide if this is a broody dark story, or a fluffy silly story. What do you guys think?
> 
> Story title is from the song by Bob Dylan.


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